Just a little note
For over a month I have been struggling physically, only being able to operate at 60 – 70 % because of constantly being struck down with some tropical illness. With the relentless pace that I have to keep, I have just been going further and further back wards, never really being able to recover and get back to full strength. The biggest problem, my body has just begun to wilt away. I have no control over it. Its now over 15kg of weight that I have lost.
Mentally, I have over the years managed to train myself to be able to get over the most challenging situations, to pull myself through. I have had the ability to dig really deep, dragging myself back from the edge and through situations that seem to be over the edge, but I have managed to persevere and fight on. I believe in my ability and am passionate about what I am doing.
For the first time ever I have felt mentally exhausted and run down, it’s been weeks, literally running sick, I honestly think if I was home I would probably be in hospital on a drip, I have got down to the level that you feel that it will be so much easier just to lie down, close your eyes and be swept away with the pain, am I going to be able to push on.
This has been a really scary place to be, I sway in and out of this, fighting with myself, I have come so far, it’s such a little way to go, only a few hundred kilometres to run. Nothing seems to really matter, I can’t believe I had reached this state of mind. It sent a shiver down me. But what have I left in me, I can’t even get up to walk where am I going to find the energy and inspiration as my mind swirls in a hazy confused state from continued sickness and physical hammering.
So often it’s a little thing that gives one renewed energy that just gives you that little push that you need to get up and move on. I set out on all my journeys to do just that, to some how try and be a little seed of inspiration to old and young to get up , get out there make a difference and chance your dream no matter how big or small it is. I have now found myself in the reverse position; I have been given the energy inspiration and mental strength to push on by you, thanks for the notes of encouragement I now have the strength to succeed.